The keys to communication

“Community mediation can involve lots of different types of disputes or conflicts,” Claire says. “It can be within families or between neighbours or in workplaces. It’s one party that wants to be able to talk to the other party and explain how they’re feeling and how the situation is affecting them and try to come up with a resolution or a way to manage that situation so that they can move forward.

“They may not feel like they have the skills to be able to do that themselves one-on-one with a direct negotiation, so they might think that they would benefit from having another person in the room who can help guide that conversation — that’s when the mediator comes along.”

It may seem like a dispute that needs a mediator would be quite dramatic, but Claire says mediators are involved in even the most mundane of conflicts.

“In my work in North Queensland, I assist quite a lot of neighbours with issues around falling palm fronds, fencing disagreements, swimming pools, and barking dogs,” she says.

Whether the issue is a legal matter or a battle over boundary lines, when it comes to assisting the communication between two parties, Claire says a major key is to help each party listen as well as speak.

“A big part of the skill set of the mediator is to see whether or not communication is actually occurring between the parties,” she says. “People can be speaking and assuming that the intent or the message that they’re giving is what’s being received. But actually, often what somebody says can be quite different to the message being received, especially if the two parties have conflicting underlying beliefs or biases. Part of the role of the mediator is to check that.”

Within our own everyday conflicts, listening without making assumptions about intent can be difficult. However, it’s a skill that’s worth developing.

“Mediation is only one fraction of what the area involves,” Claire says. “In Conflict Management and Resolution at JCU, you can learn the skills for mediation, but you also learn the skills to be an effective negotiator and conflict coach. Those skills have different nuances and processes that you can apply to your work as well as your personal life.”

Claire describes these skills as a conflict management toolbox. When you have many tools within that box, you can draw on them for any role that you find yourself in — because if you’re around people, there’s a high chance you’ll face some conflict at some point.

“If you’re in a management role, for example, often you’re working with people to try to get the best output and outcome from them within a team setting,” Claire says. “So, you need to have the skills to be able to support people to work well together. A lot of that comes down to navigating relationships between people and the way in which relationships can be navigated is through good communication.”

We’re all different — we all have different needs, different goals, different ideals. Our differences will inevitably conflict with others’ differences, especially in settings like workplaces, families, and teams. If one key to managing conflict is listening to find the true message, another key is to develop a conflict culture.

“Conflict is inevitable,” Claire says. “It’s going to occur. So, part of learning how to manage conflict is asking yourself what skills you have in place to support yourself and others when conflict arises. What culture are you helping to develop in your spheres to help manage conflict? How does that culture view or define resolution?”

Asking these questions of ourselves, learning about how we can communicate effectively, and gaining the skills to manage conflict guide us to create a conflict culture that doesn’t see conflict as an obstacle, but rather as a building block to create stronger foundations in our relationships, in our households, and in our workplaces.