Sentences
Bit by bit, we are building the foundational skills that will help you to understand how to make your written work technically correct. We move to the next stage now, to best understand how sentences work. Sentences are enormously important building blocks. Let’s see if we can make them superb.
"To cut and tighten sentences is the secret of mastery."
The Ancient Greeks identified the sentence as the largest unit of grammar and the smallest complete utterance. While sentences come in a variety of forms, this module concentrates on the most useful of all sentences in academia: the declarative sentence. This kind of sentence is an information delivery system and getting it right can be challenging for many writers.
Early drafts of academic work often feature overloaded and/or ungrammatical sentences. Identifying problems of this kind and rectifying them is important for the utility and polish of the final draft.
A well-written sentence that adheres to some simple principles of composition is the best way to take in information. The important qualifier here is ‘well-written’, and this does not just mean grammatical. A well-written sentence displays good grammar, certainly, but also is underpinned by the notion that human brains should not be overloaded with information.
Therefore, editing sentences involves not only correcting errors of grammar, but also bringing out the meaning of the sentence as best you can. You can achieve this by paring back overloading and undue complexity, and attempting to maximise the information value of the sentence as much as possible.
In the Traditional Grammar module earlier in this series, I discussed the Subject-Verb-Object active voice sentence structure, and the equivalent passive structure of Object-Verb-Agent. Knowledge of these basic patterns of sentence structure is helpful because in many cases you will be able to discern grammatical problems when you can recognise their absence.
I will come back to some of these structural elements in this module, and a few more, as a prelude to demonstrating how best to edit your own sentences or the sentences of others. I reiterate, however, that a sentence can be perfectly grammatical and still be inadequate as a vehicle for academic communication. As you will see, other factors are just as important.
Focus on superb sentences
A well-written sentence that adheres to principles of composition is the best way to absorb information. The qualifier here is well-written: this does not just mean grammatical. A well-written sentence should contain a single thought or several closely-connected thoughts arranged in a logical pattern that highlights meaning.
When editing, you will not only correct errors of grammar, but also attempt to bring out the meaning of the sentence. In doing this, you will pare back overloading and undue complexity, and attempt to maximise the value of the information.
Get into the Ancient Greek spirit of seeing the sentence as an atomic particle of communication that gives the reader access to the outcome of research.
Think about the declarative sentence as an information delivery system that provides the dominant means for making your meaning clear.
Academic writing is...
Academic writing is, in a sense, a higher form of journalism – reporting and interpreting the facts. The best academic writers see themselves as communicators, not just gatherers of information. Research is language-based as well as experimental or observational. The basic language-based tool for communicating information is the sentence.
Your theme sentence, the first sentence of any paragraph, should be clear and concise. I propose that it should not exceed 25 words. A firm word limit can be a useful framework, so look closely at the first sentences of paragraphs and count words.
As George Orwell said, break this rule sooner than write anything “barbaric”; rigid adherence to a word limit is useless and ridiculous if it creates a sentence that doesn’t convey meaning.
However, in focusing on the number of words, you also focus on ensuring that each word has earned its place.
While English sentences have various basic functions, including asking questions or issuing orders, the declarative sentence (also known as indicative sentence) makes a statement. These sentences exist to show the interrelationship of nouns: what those nouns do and what happens to those nouns.
Nouns carry substance and meaning. The central grammatical roles for nouns are the subject and the object. Knowing this is helpful in constructing informative sentences. Placing the grammatical subject at the start of a sentence is one way of delivering written information efficiently.
Think about your key word/s – the words that carry the substance of the sentence. Place them at or near the start of the sentence. Ensure that the relationship between the grammatical subject and its finite verb is shown clearly, and that interference between the subject and verb is eliminated or kept to a minimum.
“If those who have studied the art of writing are in accord on any one point, it is this: the surest way to arouse and hold the reader’s attention is by being specific, definite and concrete.”
The Elements of Style, Strunk and White
Sentence editing tips and tricks
Remember the spirit of the declarative sentence, which has come down to us from Ancient Greece and which should inform your attempts to achieve clear communication. Your sentence should contain a completed thought, one that is not unduly complicated, jargon laden or difficult to understand.
Avoid using ‘with’ to start a sentence:
- ✘ With recent surveys it has been shown that pollution has increased.
- ✔ Recent surveys have shown an increase in pollution.
Avoid using ‘with’ as a conjunction:
- ✘ Temperatures were taken hourly, with water samples taken every day.
- ✔ Temperatures were taken hourly and water samples were taken every day.
Don’t use 'with' when you mean 'and' or 'because':
- ✘ With her teeth falling out, she went to the dentist.
- ✔ Because her teeth were falling out, she went to the dentist.
- ✘ Capture of marine whatsits is achieved by using nets and wire hoops.
- ✔ Marine whatsits are caught in nets and wire hoops.
- ✘ Wood and glass are also used by some researchers as a means to control excess radiation.
- ✔ Excess radiation has been contained by wood and glass.
Note here the change in the grammatical subject, making ‘excess radiation’ more prominent than ‘wood and plastic’.
- ✘ It is a matter of the gravest possible importance to the health of anyone with a history of a problem with disease of the heart that he or she should avoid the sort of foods with a high percentage of saturated fats.
- ✔ Anyone with a history of heart disease should avoid saturated fats.
For example:
- ✘ Three-minute treatment of flour having an initial moisture content of 25% will give a product having all the desirable properties of flour made from steam-treated grain.
- ✔ Three-minute treatment of flour that has an initial moisture content of 25% will give a product with all the desirable properties of flour made from steam-treated grain.
Editing checklist
- Check the grammar of the sentence. Can you see an SVO (or passive equivalent) structure, whether your sentence is simple, compound or complex? If necessary, restructure the grammar of the sentence for correctness.
- Count the number of words. Do not exceed 25 words for a theme sentence. The other sentences may range from five to 50 words, with either extreme being rare.
- Check how many clauses the sentence contains. If there are four or more, reconsider the sentence structure. Can you divide the sentence into two or more sentences?
- What is this sentence actually about? Can you place the main key word at the start, as the grammatical subject?
- Check for a finite verb (one that can be inflected for past, present or future). Does it have a close relationship to the grammatical subject?
- Does the sentence have a lot of prepositional phrases? If so, can you restructure the sentence?
- Is the point of the sentence understandable by the target reader on first reading? Ensure that the sentence conveys the main point clearly and accurately.
- Have you avoided common pitfalls, including comma splices and lack of parallel structure? (Refer to the grammar module)
- Is the vocabulary justifiable based upon the readership? Does it contain technical vocabulary rather than jargon?
- Are all the grammatical relationships in the sentence completely clear? That is, does the subject relate clearly to its verb, and do the various clauses create strong bonds?